The Brutal Truth About Faith in God

Dear Reader,

My name is Saerlene. I write and create songs and have done so for most of my life.

But things changed in 2023 when I came back to Christ and gave my life to Him. Back then, I was a broken mess that needed healing. I’ve told this testimony before under a different name. But I deleted that Instagram page for many reasons I’ll explain later. But long story short, I spent all this time, since then, living a bit recluse. I’ve been single for about two years now. I’m down to one close friend, and I mostly focus on my family and their needs. Other than that, I work a regular job, 10 hours a day with Fridays and weekends off.

It has been peaceful in some ways. At the same time, it’s been rocky. I’ve been learning a refreshed and renewed understanding of faith, away from my charismatic upbringing. I’ve come to learn that faith is both a beautiful and hard thing. Christ is the reason why faith is beautiful, but also the reason why it’s hard at times. I’ll go into those reasons in later posts as well.

But the overall idea is… I’ve watched myself get broken down from a broken state and have been moved into a really long chapter of rebuilding. This time on a solid and unshakeable foundation. I think it’s worth it, but I admit that sometimes I wonder and question.

It’s encouraging to know that God isn’t afraid of questions and worries. Actually, that’s where all the learning… and teaching… and stretching happens. Coming to God with questions, worries, and doubts ironically bring you closer to Him. It shows you the power, glory, love, compassion, and capability of God. That the God you spent most of your upbringing believing in is actually way smaller than the true God. This God—the true God—is so much more awesome, complicated, beautiful, mysterious, intelligent, and holy.

I’m sharing this because currently my journey has brought more questions and pushed me to seek Him more. I feel this journey shifting. There is an urging within me to labor for the gospel. Right now, I’m honestly unsure how. Deep down, I think I do know but am just afraid. Afraid of failure, more loss, more isolation, more sadness… but another part of me fights back, saying, “Trust God. Be patient. Stay faithful.”

Before writing this at 6:30 in the morning on Oct 1, I got the thought saying, “Work in faith. Don’t work in doubt.” So, for the time being, I will.

Faith is hard—so hard. But it is beautiful. It’s not mystical or charismatic. It’s not some cheesy platitude. It cuts deep and works through the toughest situations. It is a tangible hope in the uncertain. It is peace when everything seems so loud; when it feels like you’re being left behind, or everyone around you is advancing and you’re still stuck. But, in truth, you are not stuck. You are simply on the path God wants you in. It’s temporary, but necessary. Faith tests what you’ve learned from the past, and it prepares you for what’s to come.

I think that will be the purpose of this blog and everything I share creatively… unapologetically showing the grit, brute, and beauty of faith.